yellowhorde (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yellowhorde) wrote2004-09-30 10:09 pm
yellowhorde) wrote2004-09-30 10:09 pm
Entry tags:
Green Fields of France 2/2 - Gundam Wing
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no money from this or any other story I write
Pairings: 2+5, 5+S, 2+C
Category: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, Death
Title: Green Fields of France
Author: yellowhorde
Status: Finished
Duo strode at a steady pace down the road, his suit jacket dragging carelessly behind him. He didn't care. What did it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not one little bit!
The sun was setting in a fiery blaze of glory, but Duo looked upon it with unseeing eyes. He wasn't thinking, wasn't feeling... The young man was numb in mind, body, and spirit... and that suited him just fine. He didn't want to think, didn't want to feel...anything, not ever again.
Death followed him around like a stray dog. He was cursed to lose everything he held dear. His parents, his friends, his loves, everything. It was so unfair! So God damned unfair!
The useless jacket dropped to the dust pavement from unfeeling fingers with a soft thud. It was too hot to wear one anyways...
The braided youth's hands gripped his head, fingers tangling into his hair. Now the tears that had eluded him earlier at the funeral came. They ripped into him as if with claws, tearing out his heart, shredding his very soul. And it hurt! It hurt SO MUCH! The tears spilled hot and burning down his face. Scalding him. Blinding him. He flung his head back and bellowed up at the sky, to a God blind and indifferent to the suffering of his "children".
"Why do you do this to me, God? What did I ever do to you to deserve this, to deserve any of it? Why can't you just let me be happy? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"
Of course, he didn't get any response. Nor did he expect one. As far as he was concerned God was dead. From this point on, God simply had ceased to exist for Duo.
With a snarl, the American reached into his shirt and withdrew the golden crucifix that was his only constant companion throughout the long, lonely years. With a savage pull, Duo ripped away the golden necklace. He stared at it for a moment.
(Dear Heavenly Father...You don't care about me! You never have! I am nothing to You, so now You are nothing to me!)
With all his strength Duo hurled away the offending symbol and he ran, ran, ran... He ran from the hurt, the sorrow, the loss... but no matter how fast he ran, all these things were right behind him, dogging his heels like a damned shadow. There was no escape. Not now, not ever.
Finally, to exhausted to continue Duo slowed and found himself near a graveyard.
(How appropriate. I guess I can never get away from Death, even in it's symbolic forms.)
Duo wearily plodded through the forest of neatly arranged rows. There were so many white crosses. They seemed to stretch on forever. It boggled the mind. Too emotionally and physically drained to move another step, Duo sank to his knees at the foot of one of the markers and wept silently. His long braid fell over his shoulder and pooled on the ground.
The funeral had been held in a truly lovely cemetery. But then, ironically, most cemeteries were pretty. It must be that way for the visitors, because the permanent tenants sure didn't give a damn one way or the other.
It had been one of those beautiful summer days that were remembered for years and years for their utter perfection. The world resplendent in shades of blue and green. White fluffy clouds, a cool breeze gently blowing, rustling the leaves in a sound almost reminiscent of the surf.
It seemed so terribly wrong that the sun could shine on such an awful day. But shone it had. It was undeniable unfair. It was, as Wufei would have said, an injustice. This thought brought on a fleeting smile.
Yes, injustice was the best word to describe the whole miserable situation, all right. His last real friend in the entire world had just died, leaving Duo and Trowa's grieving sister all alone. Forever. The last person who could truly understand how the braided man had thought and felt.
Together, as a team, the five of them, Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and himself had piloted their Gundam through Hell and back for the sake of peace between the Earth and the Colonies. But that peace had not lasted nearly long enough.
So why had they fought, what had they killed for, died for? It just didn't make any sense!
The unbearable sadness had proved to be too much for the young man. He fled from the service, unable to stand another word of how merciful and loving God was. That was the biggest lie of them all! God didn't care - no one cared! It was, when you got right down to it, every man for himself.
Why had it taken him so long to learn this truth? Well, finally the scales had fallen from his eyes and he could see the truth for what it was, something that was dark and brooding and out to hurt you, to kill you if it could.
(Well, come on and get me, if you can!)
Duo Maxwell had fled, blinded by the tears that filled his eyes. Catherine watched him go, her heart aching for the former pilot.
(He was alone now. And so am I...)
She allowed Duo his freedom, his privacy. She wanted to stay for the service. It was the last thing she would ever be able to do for her younger brother. It would hopefully give her some sense of closure. Then maybe, just maybe, she would be able to get on with her life. If God was indeed as merciful and loving as everyone told her.
*****
Duo was simply out of tears. He just didn't have any left, at least not now. Later, there would always be a later.
Right now he felt drained, hollow, tired, both physically and emotionally. He picked himself up with a sigh and sat Indian style before one of the gravestones. He peered closer at the worn inscription.
William McBride. Born May 3, 1897 - Died May 7, 1916.
(He was the same age Wufei was when he was killed...) Duo mused. (1916. World War I. Also known as the Great War or The War To End All Wars.) Duo scoffed at that thought. (Well, they sure had that one pegged wrong!)
How many young men, just like this William McBride, did I send to their maker in the name of justice... and peace? How many sons, fathers, brothers did I kill? How many happy families did I destroy? Oh, God! I don't know! I don't even want to know! I became Shinigami to save the world, right? But what...who was I really saving...? And in saving the world, did I lose myself...? Killing in the name of peace. That sounds so false! How could I have been so blind in my beliefs? Was it really the only was? Who knows...?
(I can't alter the past. What was done was done. No, you can't do it over no matter how you might want to, right Wufei...?) A small whimper rose from Duo's chest.
(Oh, but if I could have done things differently!)
The image of the last time Duo had seen Wufei alive flashed quickly through his mind. It had been on the Chinese youth's wedding day.
(Good old Wufei!)
He had looked so handsome in his tuxedo, he had been so happy. Duo recalled how his face had been flushed with joy; his eyes had sparkled with over powering love for his new bride, Sally Po. Duo had attended the wedding only because the Chinese boy had invited him personally. He would have rather avoided the whole thing altogether.
Somehow, through sheer strength of will Duo had even managed to appear happy for the new couple. But inside, inside Duo had been wailing, his soul dying a piece at a time.
At the reception Duo had had a few too many drinks. Now, years later, he could admit that to himself. He had been trying to drown out his sorrow. But he had had no luck.
Instead of making him forget, the alcohol had left the distraught young American feeling alone, unloved, depressed and highly unwanted. All this he was capable of feeling on his own. The drinks just made it one hundred times worse.
He had attempted to leave the party early, but Wufei had confronted about his ability to drive. Duo, angry about the whole situation and sorely regretting that he had never told Wufei of his love for him, had loudly insisted that he, the dreaded Shinigami, was perfectly capable of driving himself home, thank you very much! He had turned to walk out, or at least he attempted to.
Dizziness had swooped down on him with a vengeance, the whole world swan in a crazy dance as he found himself falling, falling, and only the lightning fast reflexes of the Chinese boy had kept him from crashing to the ground in a drunken heap.
Being held in the strong arms of his beloved Wufei! How often Duo had daydreamed that scenario. Well, finally he had got his wish. As luck, or fate, would have it, it didn't happen exactly as the American had envisioned it. He felt the warm press of Wufei's body, his arms around him... Those onyx eyes, so filled with concern, concern for him, for Duo Maxwell! It had been too much to bear!
Something deep inside him cried out in agony and-
He had kissed Wufei.
The young American kissed the other boy as he had always wanted to - deeply, passionately, his arms wrapping themselves about that lithe body. He didn't know how long he had held on, a month, a day, a year, ten seconds, ten minuets. However long it had been, it hadn't been long enough...it could never have been long enough!
After an eternity, he realized, much to his surprise and delight that Wufei was not protesting or trying to pull away. No, he had instead melted into Duo, returning that one perfect kiss with as much passion as Duo gave. What could it mean? Did this mean that Wufei loved him, had feelings for him? For the briefest moment, he dared to dream the impossible, that Wufei could belong to him, and to him alone. Forever!
The sound of Sally calling for her bridegroom had broken that spell. In swept harsh reality, bye-bye dreams of bliss and happiness! Wufei was now a married man! That meant he was officially off limits! Till Death do us part and all of that happy crappy!
(But I AM Death!) Duo's mind had argued. (I chose to part this couple. Wufei belongs to me!)
No, no, no, no!
(I love you, Wufei!)
Duo had cried in huge gasping sobs as he fled from the reception hall, his long braid trailing after his retreating form. He almost ran into Sally for his tears and grief blinded him to everything else.
Wufei had tried to catch the swift boy, to take him into his arms once more, but he had been stopped in his tracks as the cold reality finally smacked him solidly in the guts.
(I am married. Not to Duo, but to Sally. Can I really choose between the two I love?) The truth finally sank in. (You have already made your choice, Wufei. Let it go... it's for the best.)
His thin shoulders slumped in utter defeat.
For the best... Yeah, right.
Until the day he had died, Wufei would be torn by thoughts of "What if..." What if he had been truthful about his feelings towards the insolent, maddeningly cheerful, devastatingly beautiful American from the beginning... What if he had decided to pursue him on the night of his wedding? What if... what if...
During the brief time that he and Sally had shared, Wufei hid his true feelings for the American deep in his most secret heart. He still loved Sally and he had always been a tender and loving husband. Hiding his true feelings from her, from himself, it became a habit for him. Always hiding behind a mask, hiding to ease the pain.
When Sally had given birth to a daughter, Wufei had been overjoyed, having always wanted children of his own to love and raise. They had finally agreed to name the child Meilan, after Wufei's first wife, who had died in defense of her home, her family, and her true love.
When Meilan had been two years old, she became very sick. Her face flushed a deep and shocking red, and a deep cough wracked her small body. She had also been running a very high fever. Being new parents, both Sally and Wufei, who both doted on the child, had panicked. Wufei had immediately called up the doctor and was given the name of a reliable medicine that would help bring the baby's temperature back to normal in no time at all and help relieve her cough until they would be able to bring her in to the office the following morning. The fearful father had set out for an all night pharmaceutical store at once.
Wufei had been waiting impatiently in line at the checkout station, his mind consumed with worry. All the while he mentally cursed the slow moving cashier. Who knew that the place would be so busy at 2 a.m. in the morning?
A masked man had rushed into the store and began to swear violently and wave a gun around at the frightened customers demanding the money in the cashier drawers.
Wufei did what came naturally to him - he attempted to put an end to this injustice. The burglar shot him in the throat and fled, money in hand. Wufei lay, his head cradled in lap of a young blond woman, his life blood draining away waiting for an ambulance that would never come in time.
He had died for a measly $256.07.
No, life had not played him very fair.
Sally had been devastated by her loss. Duo helped out the mother and child as best as he could. He felt that he had owed his friend that much. He offered his money, his time, and his emotional support to the distraught woman. Eventually, after a year or so, Sally remarried and Duo began to slowly drift away from them both. He saw less and less of the two women in Wufei's life.
But then again, it was all for the best.
THE END
Pairings: 2+5, 5+S, 2+C
Category: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Angst, Death
Title: Green Fields of France
Author: yellowhorde
Status: Finished
Duo strode at a steady pace down the road, his suit jacket dragging carelessly behind him. He didn't care. What did it matter in the grand scheme of things? Not one little bit!
The sun was setting in a fiery blaze of glory, but Duo looked upon it with unseeing eyes. He wasn't thinking, wasn't feeling... The young man was numb in mind, body, and spirit... and that suited him just fine. He didn't want to think, didn't want to feel...anything, not ever again.
Death followed him around like a stray dog. He was cursed to lose everything he held dear. His parents, his friends, his loves, everything. It was so unfair! So God damned unfair!
The useless jacket dropped to the dust pavement from unfeeling fingers with a soft thud. It was too hot to wear one anyways...
The braided youth's hands gripped his head, fingers tangling into his hair. Now the tears that had eluded him earlier at the funeral came. They ripped into him as if with claws, tearing out his heart, shredding his very soul. And it hurt! It hurt SO MUCH! The tears spilled hot and burning down his face. Scalding him. Blinding him. He flung his head back and bellowed up at the sky, to a God blind and indifferent to the suffering of his "children".
"Why do you do this to me, God? What did I ever do to you to deserve this, to deserve any of it? Why can't you just let me be happy? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?"
Of course, he didn't get any response. Nor did he expect one. As far as he was concerned God was dead. From this point on, God simply had ceased to exist for Duo.
With a snarl, the American reached into his shirt and withdrew the golden crucifix that was his only constant companion throughout the long, lonely years. With a savage pull, Duo ripped away the golden necklace. He stared at it for a moment.
(Dear Heavenly Father...You don't care about me! You never have! I am nothing to You, so now You are nothing to me!)
With all his strength Duo hurled away the offending symbol and he ran, ran, ran... He ran from the hurt, the sorrow, the loss... but no matter how fast he ran, all these things were right behind him, dogging his heels like a damned shadow. There was no escape. Not now, not ever.
Finally, to exhausted to continue Duo slowed and found himself near a graveyard.
(How appropriate. I guess I can never get away from Death, even in it's symbolic forms.)
Duo wearily plodded through the forest of neatly arranged rows. There were so many white crosses. They seemed to stretch on forever. It boggled the mind. Too emotionally and physically drained to move another step, Duo sank to his knees at the foot of one of the markers and wept silently. His long braid fell over his shoulder and pooled on the ground.
The funeral had been held in a truly lovely cemetery. But then, ironically, most cemeteries were pretty. It must be that way for the visitors, because the permanent tenants sure didn't give a damn one way or the other.
It had been one of those beautiful summer days that were remembered for years and years for their utter perfection. The world resplendent in shades of blue and green. White fluffy clouds, a cool breeze gently blowing, rustling the leaves in a sound almost reminiscent of the surf.
It seemed so terribly wrong that the sun could shine on such an awful day. But shone it had. It was undeniable unfair. It was, as Wufei would have said, an injustice. This thought brought on a fleeting smile.
Yes, injustice was the best word to describe the whole miserable situation, all right. His last real friend in the entire world had just died, leaving Duo and Trowa's grieving sister all alone. Forever. The last person who could truly understand how the braided man had thought and felt.
Together, as a team, the five of them, Heero, Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and himself had piloted their Gundam through Hell and back for the sake of peace between the Earth and the Colonies. But that peace had not lasted nearly long enough.
So why had they fought, what had they killed for, died for? It just didn't make any sense!
The unbearable sadness had proved to be too much for the young man. He fled from the service, unable to stand another word of how merciful and loving God was. That was the biggest lie of them all! God didn't care - no one cared! It was, when you got right down to it, every man for himself.
Why had it taken him so long to learn this truth? Well, finally the scales had fallen from his eyes and he could see the truth for what it was, something that was dark and brooding and out to hurt you, to kill you if it could.
(Well, come on and get me, if you can!)
Duo Maxwell had fled, blinded by the tears that filled his eyes. Catherine watched him go, her heart aching for the former pilot.
(He was alone now. And so am I...)
She allowed Duo his freedom, his privacy. She wanted to stay for the service. It was the last thing she would ever be able to do for her younger brother. It would hopefully give her some sense of closure. Then maybe, just maybe, she would be able to get on with her life. If God was indeed as merciful and loving as everyone told her.
*****
Duo was simply out of tears. He just didn't have any left, at least not now. Later, there would always be a later.
Right now he felt drained, hollow, tired, both physically and emotionally. He picked himself up with a sigh and sat Indian style before one of the gravestones. He peered closer at the worn inscription.
William McBride. Born May 3, 1897 - Died May 7, 1916.
(He was the same age Wufei was when he was killed...) Duo mused. (1916. World War I. Also known as the Great War or The War To End All Wars.) Duo scoffed at that thought. (Well, they sure had that one pegged wrong!)
How many young men, just like this William McBride, did I send to their maker in the name of justice... and peace? How many sons, fathers, brothers did I kill? How many happy families did I destroy? Oh, God! I don't know! I don't even want to know! I became Shinigami to save the world, right? But what...who was I really saving...? And in saving the world, did I lose myself...? Killing in the name of peace. That sounds so false! How could I have been so blind in my beliefs? Was it really the only was? Who knows...?
(I can't alter the past. What was done was done. No, you can't do it over no matter how you might want to, right Wufei...?) A small whimper rose from Duo's chest.
(Oh, but if I could have done things differently!)
The image of the last time Duo had seen Wufei alive flashed quickly through his mind. It had been on the Chinese youth's wedding day.
(Good old Wufei!)
He had looked so handsome in his tuxedo, he had been so happy. Duo recalled how his face had been flushed with joy; his eyes had sparkled with over powering love for his new bride, Sally Po. Duo had attended the wedding only because the Chinese boy had invited him personally. He would have rather avoided the whole thing altogether.
Somehow, through sheer strength of will Duo had even managed to appear happy for the new couple. But inside, inside Duo had been wailing, his soul dying a piece at a time.
At the reception Duo had had a few too many drinks. Now, years later, he could admit that to himself. He had been trying to drown out his sorrow. But he had had no luck.
Instead of making him forget, the alcohol had left the distraught young American feeling alone, unloved, depressed and highly unwanted. All this he was capable of feeling on his own. The drinks just made it one hundred times worse.
He had attempted to leave the party early, but Wufei had confronted about his ability to drive. Duo, angry about the whole situation and sorely regretting that he had never told Wufei of his love for him, had loudly insisted that he, the dreaded Shinigami, was perfectly capable of driving himself home, thank you very much! He had turned to walk out, or at least he attempted to.
Dizziness had swooped down on him with a vengeance, the whole world swan in a crazy dance as he found himself falling, falling, and only the lightning fast reflexes of the Chinese boy had kept him from crashing to the ground in a drunken heap.
Being held in the strong arms of his beloved Wufei! How often Duo had daydreamed that scenario. Well, finally he had got his wish. As luck, or fate, would have it, it didn't happen exactly as the American had envisioned it. He felt the warm press of Wufei's body, his arms around him... Those onyx eyes, so filled with concern, concern for him, for Duo Maxwell! It had been too much to bear!
Something deep inside him cried out in agony and-
He had kissed Wufei.
The young American kissed the other boy as he had always wanted to - deeply, passionately, his arms wrapping themselves about that lithe body. He didn't know how long he had held on, a month, a day, a year, ten seconds, ten minuets. However long it had been, it hadn't been long enough...it could never have been long enough!
After an eternity, he realized, much to his surprise and delight that Wufei was not protesting or trying to pull away. No, he had instead melted into Duo, returning that one perfect kiss with as much passion as Duo gave. What could it mean? Did this mean that Wufei loved him, had feelings for him? For the briefest moment, he dared to dream the impossible, that Wufei could belong to him, and to him alone. Forever!
The sound of Sally calling for her bridegroom had broken that spell. In swept harsh reality, bye-bye dreams of bliss and happiness! Wufei was now a married man! That meant he was officially off limits! Till Death do us part and all of that happy crappy!
(But I AM Death!) Duo's mind had argued. (I chose to part this couple. Wufei belongs to me!)
No, no, no, no!
(I love you, Wufei!)
Duo had cried in huge gasping sobs as he fled from the reception hall, his long braid trailing after his retreating form. He almost ran into Sally for his tears and grief blinded him to everything else.
Wufei had tried to catch the swift boy, to take him into his arms once more, but he had been stopped in his tracks as the cold reality finally smacked him solidly in the guts.
(I am married. Not to Duo, but to Sally. Can I really choose between the two I love?) The truth finally sank in. (You have already made your choice, Wufei. Let it go... it's for the best.)
His thin shoulders slumped in utter defeat.
For the best... Yeah, right.
Until the day he had died, Wufei would be torn by thoughts of "What if..." What if he had been truthful about his feelings towards the insolent, maddeningly cheerful, devastatingly beautiful American from the beginning... What if he had decided to pursue him on the night of his wedding? What if... what if...
During the brief time that he and Sally had shared, Wufei hid his true feelings for the American deep in his most secret heart. He still loved Sally and he had always been a tender and loving husband. Hiding his true feelings from her, from himself, it became a habit for him. Always hiding behind a mask, hiding to ease the pain.
When Sally had given birth to a daughter, Wufei had been overjoyed, having always wanted children of his own to love and raise. They had finally agreed to name the child Meilan, after Wufei's first wife, who had died in defense of her home, her family, and her true love.
When Meilan had been two years old, she became very sick. Her face flushed a deep and shocking red, and a deep cough wracked her small body. She had also been running a very high fever. Being new parents, both Sally and Wufei, who both doted on the child, had panicked. Wufei had immediately called up the doctor and was given the name of a reliable medicine that would help bring the baby's temperature back to normal in no time at all and help relieve her cough until they would be able to bring her in to the office the following morning. The fearful father had set out for an all night pharmaceutical store at once.
Wufei had been waiting impatiently in line at the checkout station, his mind consumed with worry. All the while he mentally cursed the slow moving cashier. Who knew that the place would be so busy at 2 a.m. in the morning?
A masked man had rushed into the store and began to swear violently and wave a gun around at the frightened customers demanding the money in the cashier drawers.
Wufei did what came naturally to him - he attempted to put an end to this injustice. The burglar shot him in the throat and fled, money in hand. Wufei lay, his head cradled in lap of a young blond woman, his life blood draining away waiting for an ambulance that would never come in time.
He had died for a measly $256.07.
No, life had not played him very fair.
Sally had been devastated by her loss. Duo helped out the mother and child as best as he could. He felt that he had owed his friend that much. He offered his money, his time, and his emotional support to the distraught woman. Eventually, after a year or so, Sally remarried and Duo began to slowly drift away from them both. He saw less and less of the two women in Wufei's life.
But then again, it was all for the best.
THE END