Blind Luck or Fate - Gundam Wing

[yellowhorde]

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no money from this or
any other story I write.
Series: Gundam Wing
Pairings: 1x5
Category: Angst
Rating: R
Warning: Yaoi. Death. Suicide. This may be a bit OOC.
Title: Blind Luck or Fate
Author: yellowhorde
Status: Finished
You can visit my humble web page, yellowhorde's house, at:
<http://www.webspawner.com/users/yellowhorde/index.html>
Or feel free to send comments/constructive criticism to me at
yellowhorde@hotmail.com
Note: This was my entry to the Infinity Base 2002 St. Patrick's Day
competition.



The sound of metal rattling against metal was the only noise in the
darkened bedroom other than the Chinese boy's shallow pants as he
struggled against his restraints, his heart beating a frantic tattoo
of alarm as the armed figure stalked closer.

This is wrong, all wrong!

Wufei wretched his arms with renewed strength and pulled in a faint
hissing breath as a thin line of fire branded his wrists, warm blood
trickled down his arms as the cold metal handcuffs bit savagely into
bronzed flesh. The pain was immediate and insistent and all too real.
But it helped clear away the red cloud of panic that threatened to
engulf him.

Much to his credit, Wufei managed to sound perfectly calm and in
control as he addressed his deranged lover. "Please, Heero… what ever
it is you intend to do…please, reconsider…you don't want to do
anything we both might regret!"

Prussian blue eyes blankly regarded the naked youth chained to the
metal headboard, and Wufei could feel that gaze on his flesh like a
physical weight. Sweat beaded the lithe body of the raven-haired
pilot causing it to glisten faintly in the dim moonlight that
filtered in through the drapes.

Uncertainty flickered across those glazed blue orbs then was gone
almost before it could be recognized. Unshakable resolve had taken
its place. A soft smile tilted the Japanese boy's lips as he seated
himself on the mattress besides Wufei, his body turned slightly so he
could gaze into the onyx pools of his love's eyes.

"It's all for the best, Wufei. Trust me on this."

Wufei said nothing. What could he say? He had been trying to break
through to Heero since the Japanese boy had first handcuffed him to
the headboard but words hadn't done him any good, now had they? As a
general rule Wufei was not into the bondage scene, and Heero had
known this, but the tousled haired youth had ignored his lover's
murmured protests as he forced Wufei's arms above his head and
slapped home the metal restraints all the while his soft warm lips
pressing burning kisses along Wufei's throat.

To tell God's honest truth the almond eyed teenager had noticed that
Heero had been acting rather strangely for several weeks but all of
his attempts to probe into whatever was bothering his love had been
meet with cold hostility.

Heero's eyes dropped to his lap and he gazed in rapt fascination at
the pistol clasped loosely in his large calloused hand, found comfort
in its familiar weight. Here lay the answers to all of his questions.
Of this he had no doubt.

Heero's throat worked convulsively as he struggled with the
contrasting feelings that raged within him as two separate parts of
his mind locked in fierce combat. What he was about to do was totally
crazy, the actions of a madman, but what choice did he have? His
sanity was on the line, not to mention his life and the life of the
one he cherished. But there was no other way, no other way.

I have no choice…

Heero sighed as he felt the familiar burn of tears in his eyes, felt
his throat squeeze tight as he struggled to maintain his composure
and his words when they came were distant and filled with a terrible
longing.

"During the war I killed hundreds of people, soldiers and civilians
alike. Perhaps even thousands." Heero raised his head and locked blue
eyes with black as he spoke, praying that Wufei would understand what
he was about to say. For Wufei was the only one that could understand
how he felt, the only soul who mattered in the entire crazy blood-
soaked galaxy. "I did whatever it took to accomplish my mission.
Completing the mission was all that mattered. Nothing else was of any
consequence, not me as an individual, certainly not my own
insignificant life… not the innocent lives I would be destroying…
nothing… nothing mattered. I was dispensable, just a pawn in their
little game."

"I wanted to die."

Silent tears slipped unnoticed down the Japanese boy's checks. They
flowed in a steady stream and Wufei realized with a jolt that this
was the first time he had ever seen Heero weep…the first time the
Perfect Soldier had truly let down his emotional defenses and allowed
Wufei to catch a glimpse of what lay hidden behind those beautiful
eyes.

And what Wufei saw was a frightened little boy…lonely and filled with
unbearable pain…and guilt. A young boy who was hurting emotionally,
mentally, spiritually…

"But I didn't die…I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to, I was
denied that final peace. How many times did I battle impossible odds
and succeed? How many times did I put myself at risk only to come out
victorious?"

Heero laughed, a sharp, jagged sound that left Wufei's own heart
bleeding. There was so much hurting in the boy's voice, so much pain
in those eyes. Too much for any one soul to have to bear let alone a
young boy.

Absently, Heero scrubbed the heel of his hand across his flooding
eyes. His lips twitched in a dim parody of a smile. "I even self-
destructed my own Gundam and still Death eluded my grasp. It shadowed
my every movement, but remained always just out of reach. Death was a
gift granted to others…all those other fortunate souls…but not to me…
Never for me…"

"H-Heero…I…"

Heero reached out with his empty hand and touched the tips of his
fingers to Wufei's lips, silencing him with the barest touch. That
ghostly smile graced his features once more. His eyes shimmered with
unspoken emotions.

"I courted Death, Wufei, until I fell in love with you and came to
realize the true value of life. You became my sole reason for living,
my only purpose was being with you, fighting by your side…ON your
side…even as I battled alone…"

Heero's grip tightened spasmodically against the handle of the
pistol. His eyes clenched closed as if in pain, his voice hoarse with
emotion. "But is our love something that was meant to be? Or is it
something that just is?"

"Heero…I don't understand…"

Heero shook his head in a sharp negative gesture and he spoke through
clenched teeth, "When the bullet passes the soldier by on the battle
field… is his life spared because of blind luck or… Fate? Did he
survive because he was meant to live, because he was Fated to live,
or was it just something that happened with no apparent rhyme or
reason? Was it nothing more than just some fortunate random event in
the never-ending stream of time?"

Deep blue eyes pleaded for answers, but Wufei had none to give. He
was at a loss for words, his mind a complete blank.

"We love each other, Heero. That's all I really know. Luck or Fate
has nothing to do with it. And it doesn't really matter, one way or
the other…"

In a blur of motion, Heero was on his feet, his entire body trembling
violently. "It matters, Wufei!" The youth screamed, the knuckles of
the hand clutching the gun turning white, "It matters to ME!"

Wufei cringed against the mattress feeling suddenly very vulnerable,
very afraid…and very mortal. A dark gleeful madness danced in the
depths of those azure eyes, a madness that whispered promises of pain
and violence.

Heero leaned in towards his love, his voice hushed and eager, breathy
with a lunatic excitement. He whispered into the shell of Wufei's
ear, "But I know how to find the answers, my love. It came to me last
night in a dream!"

Wufei's heart lurched in his narrow chest as the pilot of Wing Zero
pressed the cold metal against his temple and cocked the trigger. He
felt the lips of his lover twist into a maniacal grin.

"There are only two bullets in this gun, Wufei," Heero murmured, his
breath puffing warm against Wufei's ear, sending delicate shivers
coursing along his bare skin. "One for you…and one for me… I am going
to pull this trigger, and if our love is meant to be, we shall both
live out our lives in perfect happiness. If not…"

Heero shrugged his shoulder in a deceptively nonchalant manner as he
allowed the sentence to trail off.

A dark tidal wave of despair washed over the Chinese youth. The
smooth barrel of the gun nudged against his flesh and Wufei averted
his face from the madman posing as his beloved Heero, allowing his
terrified eyes to slide closed for what could possibly be the last
time.

This could NOT be Heero, not his Heero! Not the young man who live
and loved with such fiery passion.

No, no, no!

Click!

Relief flooded through Wufei at the sound of the hammer coming down
against an empty chamber and he released the breath he had not known
he had been holding. Wufei opened his eyes and turned his head
towards the Japanese youth who was smiling, his eyes soft and filled
with silent relief.

"I love you, Wufei. Always remember that."

Heero withdrew the deadly weapon from Wufei's temple and pressed his
own lips against Wufei's check. He then pulled away while at the same
time placing the barrel of the gun against his own head. It was all
or nothing. No turning back now. All of the answers were in his hand.
He controlled his destiny.

"Luck or Fate, Wufei?"

"Heero, Don't!"

The resulting explosion shattered both lives.

"NO!"

Wufei jerked awake with the thunderous roar of Death ringing in his
ears. Golden rays of warmth slanted across the rumpled bedclothes.
The cheery sound of singing birds drifted in through the open window.

Frantically, the black haired youth reached towards Heero's side of
the bed. It was empty, yet still warm. Dimly, he became aware of the
sound of running water coming from the direction of the en suite
bathroom he shared with his lover. He released a trembling sigh and
fell back against the sweat-drenched pillows.

"Only a dream… Thank you, God!"

Wufei gingerly pressed his fingertips against his throbbing temple;
the same temple Heero had pressed a gun to in that terribly vivid
nightmare. A headache of almost migraine proportions was brewing and
he had no intentions of letting it get the upper hand.

With a groan, the Chinese pilot rolled over to Heero's side of the
bed intent on gobbling a few of the maximum strength aspirins Heero
always kept on hand for just such debilitating headaches. His hand
came into contact with the handle and he jerked the nightstand's only
drawer open.

Just as he was reaching for the bottle that promised pain relief, he
froze.

There cushioned against a swatch of red velvet was one darkly
gleaming revolver…and two bullets.


The End.