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yellowhordeDisclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing and I make no money from this or any other fanfic I write.
Pairing: 5x?
Category: Angst
Rating: R
Warnings: Yaoi, Deathfic.
Title: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
Author: yellowhorde
Dark ebony eyes fluttered open, squinted against the bright rays of sunlight that had somehow managed to sneak past the Venetian blinds that decorated the eastern windows. With a soft moan of protest, the youth curled back onto his side, pulling the soft feather pillow over his eyes to block out the offending glare. The bed was soft and warm. What reasons did he have to leave his comfortable haven? No reasons at all, except that he had to get ready for work.
Wufei had almost worked up the resolve to drag his lazy ass out of bed when he felt those oh so familiar arms wrap around his waist. They snaked around him and pulled him gently yet firmly closer. Wufei allowed himself to be cuddled, a faint loving smile playing along his usually stern face. With a happy sigh, the oriental youth returned the gesture, burying his head into the hollow of his lover’s shoulder. He breathed deeply the clean scent of soap and beneath that, the unique scent that belonged to his love.
Breath, warm and moist puffed against his head accompanied by the melodious sounds of the other boy’s sleepy voice. “Rise and shine, sleepy head!”
Wufei rose up to gaze into beautiful expressive eyes. With a wicked smile he leaned in closer and pressed his lips against the soft lips that had greeted him. May he hear that voice from now until the end of time. It was a voice he would never tire of, not in a million years. Those lips quirked slightly as a smile danced and shone, bright and as sunny as the light that streamed in from the windows. “Oh, no you don’t, Wufei!” The boy sat up, sending the smooth sheets cascading into his lap, and pulled away from his loving companion, laughter dancing in his eyes, his voice. “You don’t have time for any hanky-panky! As it is, you’ll barely have time to enjoy breakfast!”
“So I’ll grab something from a drive-thru on my way to work…” Wufei once more leaned into the body of the boy he had sworn to spend all eternity with. He found the tender flesh of the other boy’s neck and nibbled contentedly, working his way up towards the ear. “Or maybe, the vending machines…” The rest of his words were muffled as he eagerly began to suck the delicate earlobe. As he had, expected, his boyfriend moaned softly, and relaxed, leaning into Wufei’s gently bronzed torso, his hands rising up and gently pressing against his love’s chest, caressing that smooth skin, reveling in its texture, its sculpted definition, its delightful warmth…
For but a few brief moments he remained still as a statue, enjoying the closeness, the love, then he straitened and pushed the Chinese youth away with straight arms. His face was faintly flushed and he laughter rang out like silver bells. With a grin he ran his hand through sleep-tousled hair.
“No, Wufei! That isn’t going to work THIS time!” Absently, the boy made shooing gestures towards the bedroom door. “You go get ready for work and I’ll get your breakfast ready. Okay?”
Wufei slid out of bed, and grumped towards the door. Sudden inspiration hit him with a hammer as he turned and grinned at the boy who stood naked by their rumbled bed. “We WILL finish this “discussion” when I get back from work tonight!” He growled, a humorous glint in his obsidian eyes
“Oooh!” The other boy purred with anticipation, his voice low and husky. “Is that a threat or a promise?”
“That,” Wufei declared as he turned and headed for the shower, “is a promise, of course! And I ALWAYS keep my promises!”
Feeling slightly more awake and ready – almost – to face another grueling day at the office, Wufei plopped down into his accustomed space at the head of the table. The tiny kitchen was swimming in golden light and alive with the smell of bacon, eggs, and coffee. The oak table gleamed mellowly in the early morning glow. Two place mats, blue with patterned flowers in butter yellow and tea rose were already set out in their accustomed settings along with the necessary dinnerware and cutlery. Wufei inhaled the heady aromas greedily and sighed contentedly. He glanced over at the boy standing by the kitchen sink; his arms plunged into a pile of bubbles that nearly reached his elbows. A stickler for cleanliness, he was. He was dressed causally in a pair of faded jeans and a red sweater, it’s sleeves pushed up to reveal, thin, yet muscular arms. Wufei gripped the handle of his coffee mug and raised it slowly to his mouth.
“Be careful not to burn yourself, Wufei. It’s hot!”
Wufei smiled gently. The boy knew him so well. Yes, he had often burned his tongue on his coffee. But that was just because the beautiful youth at the sink was just so darned distracting!
The Chinese boy was surprised that he wasn’t wearing his breakfast on his tie every morning…
The boy at the sink continued, never turning around, his voice somehow changing subtly. It was still his voice, the same winsome, earnest voice Wufei had fallen in love with, and yet it was different all the same.
“After all we wouldn’t want you to get hurt, oh no! That would never do! After all, there you are, alive and well, while I stand here…” the boy turned suddenly, his voice shrill and filled with anger…”Bleeding to death!”
The boy’s hair was coated scarlet, half of his face obscured like some bloody mask. His eyes…those eyes, once so alive and brimming with emotions, were dull and uncomprehending, like those of a doll’s. His clothes were a tattered ruin, as was the beautiful body they concealed.
In terror, Wufei dropped his mug, the liquid within splashing hot and heavy in his lap.
Instinctively he leaped back, sending the wooden chair flying across the small space with a very loud clatter. He tore his eyes from the bloody ruins of the boy he loved for a moment and glanced down at his pants. They were soaked the same crimson that was splashed so liberally over his beloved. His eyes were once again drawn to the figure standing besides him. His mouth worked in absolute horror, utter helplessness, but no sound emerged, just like a fish out of water.
The boy tottered closer, rivers of blood, his life force, splattering against the linoleum floor with a dull spattering sound. His head hung limply to one side, yet still those inhuman eyes bored into Wufei’s, burning him, his body, his heart, his soul, accusing him, damning him for living while everything he had claimed to have loved had died. “This is all your fault, Wufei. All your fault…I am dead, Wufei and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!”
On numb, trembling legs, Wufei retreated from that horror, until his back struck against the wall. With a moan he slid to the ground, his eyes huge, his soul dying. The corpse knelt besides him, dime sized drops of blood striking against Wufei’s upturned face. It leaned in towards the terrified youth, lips puckering as if for a kiss.
“All your fault…” it whispered as its lips pressed against Wufei’s own.
Wufei screamed.
Wufei jerked awake with a strangled scream, fist crammed against his distorted mouth. Instinctively his other hand flew to the other side of the large bed, searching, hoping. Afraid of what he would or rather, would not find. But reaching out all the same. He just couldn’t help it…
It was empty. Just as it had been for the past five lonely, heart rending years. Empty as his heart. In utter despair Wufei gathered up that lonely, unused pillow, the pillow his boyfriend had fallen in love with on sight. “It’s just perfect, Wufei!” He had exclaimed, glomping the pillow when they had spotted it in the store. “It’s not too hard, not to soft! It’s JUST right!” He had proceeded to dance merrily around, pillow clutched to his ecstatic face. Wufei had been dimly embarrassed, but secretly happy. It was a pillow that would grace the bed in his apartment. No, that was not entirely true. It was their bed, their apartment. And this thought had warmed him down to his toes, filled his heart with happiness until it was almost painful.
Now, with that soft, just right pillow, clutched in his arms, Wufei once again wept bitter tears of loss. Mournfully he glanced out the window, into the dark, silent heavens beyond. The sky was overcast and threatened, no, promised rain. Only one dim star could be seen, and it’s light was dying fast with the oncoming dawn. Wufei did not want the sun to rise. Not today, not any day, but especially not on this awful day. A day of remembrance. A short, bitter laugh was ripped from his lips. How could he forget? Was that even possible?
“Star light, star bright….” Wufei’s voice was thick with tears, heavy with sorrow. “The first star I see tonight….” The former pilot’s voice broke and was replaced by wracking sobs and yet still he continued speaking, reciting that silly little rhyme all children seemed to learn. (The lies we tell children…to give them hope, when we as adults know the truth. Wishes never come true…) He felt compelled to finish, despite the truth he held in his heart. “I wish I may… I wish I might… have the wish I wish tonight…”
Wufei’s voice dissolved as the tears took control. They ravaged his weary heart, his battered soul. He wanted to die, right here, right now. He should have died. That day, that wonderful, horrible day that his world had lost all meaning, all light, all hope… He should have died with his love. But he hadn’t. And it had been all his fault.
Between the gasps and sobs of dismay, of desolation, Wufei cried out his wish, the wish for tonight and every night since their last night, their first night together. “I wish you were somehow here with me again!” The tears flowed in a never-ending stream, threatening to drown the young man in grief. “Oh, I would give anything, pay any price to hear your sweet voice again. Just to be able to hold you and tell you good bye….”
The Chinese boy lapsed into silence, the only sounds to be heard in that still, empty apartment were his sobs of misery. He desperately clutched the pillow to his chest and wished with all his might that it could be the one who’s love and life had been denied him for all eternity. Outside, the heaven’s had opened to wash the world anew with its own tears and they flowed down the glass panes casting dim wavering shadows across the bed with its single occupant. As if they had understood the lonely man’s grief, had known that this day, more that any other day, called for rain to fall rather than the bright sun that would do nothing to banish the clouds of sorrow from so many hearts.
Wufei stopped abruptly as the woman approached, her face pale and filled with sorrow. The umbrella offered little protection against the rain that fell from the unfeeling, gray sky in an almost solid mass of precipitation. The wind whirled and spun, carrying the heavy drops under the device’s limited canopy. It plucked with icy fingers at the girl’s hands, trying to steal that poor useless umbrella away. Light brown hair swirled madly about her as she struggled with her invisible tormentor. But alas, the wind won the day, as that poor unfortunate umbrella was turned inside out by the force of those howling winds. The woman gave up her struggle and lowered the now useless umbrella down by her side. Her black pleated skirt swirled and danced about her knees. Without a word, the woman with blue eyes gazed sadly, almost reproachfully at the dark clad man before her. She clutched the matching black jacket about her, against the fierce wind that whooped and hollered.
(Black does not suit you, Relena, it is to harsh, too sad a color for you to have to ever wear. I am so sorry. If not for me, you would not have to wear such a depressing hue…)
“You missed the memorial service.” Relena stated bluntly, her blue eyes locking with dark obsidian ones. “It was really very lovely. It would have made him happy to know that so many remembered him, mourned his loss...”
“No,” Wufei interrupted her, his voice full of false serenity. “He would not have wanted to be mourned. He would have wanted his loved ones to move on, to be happy, to continue living their lives…”
Relena searched the man’s face carefully. He could not hide the signs of grief from her. It was there etched in every feature, every line of his still face. “Is that what you have been doing, Wufei? Living?” There was no answer from the man who stood before her, his silken hair as black as the trench coat that flapped and swirled about him. He merely lowered his eyes, apparently lost in some painful movie his memory flashed behind his sunken eyes. “Everyone was there, Wufei. They miss you. WE miss you!”
After the accident, Wufei had withdrawn from his friends, his fellow Gundam pilots, those that were left at any rate. They were five no more. And the world would never be, could never be, the same with the loss of that precious one. All hearts had cried out, but two more so that the others…
“Everyone?” Black eyes met blue as he raised his eyes at this question.
“Yes, Wufei, everyone was here.” A faint pleading was heard in the young woman’s voice as she continued, “It’s been five years, now, for crying out loud! Isn’t it time that you two forgave each other? You’re only hurting each other and I know that this is not what he would have wanted!”
Wufei continued walking, his head now bowed against the force of the wind. He did not stop or speak with Relena as he trudged passed her. As far as he was concerned, the discussion was over. It was as if she no longer existed. His slow steps took him down the path he knew by heart, for he had certainly traveled it enough times over these past few years. The young woman watched him go, her heart aching for him, for the loss of a dear companion, for the riff that had torn two friends apart, possibly forever. No, please, not forever. Even if they realized it or not, the two men needed each other, needed each other and their friends to help heal the holes in their hearts that had been left when the one they had both loved had been snatched away from them so suddenly, in such a tragic, senseless accident.
CHAPTER TWO
Pairing: 5x?
Category: Angst
Rating: R
Warnings: Yaoi, Deathfic.
Title: Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
Author: yellowhorde
Dark ebony eyes fluttered open, squinted against the bright rays of sunlight that had somehow managed to sneak past the Venetian blinds that decorated the eastern windows. With a soft moan of protest, the youth curled back onto his side, pulling the soft feather pillow over his eyes to block out the offending glare. The bed was soft and warm. What reasons did he have to leave his comfortable haven? No reasons at all, except that he had to get ready for work.
Wufei had almost worked up the resolve to drag his lazy ass out of bed when he felt those oh so familiar arms wrap around his waist. They snaked around him and pulled him gently yet firmly closer. Wufei allowed himself to be cuddled, a faint loving smile playing along his usually stern face. With a happy sigh, the oriental youth returned the gesture, burying his head into the hollow of his lover’s shoulder. He breathed deeply the clean scent of soap and beneath that, the unique scent that belonged to his love.
Breath, warm and moist puffed against his head accompanied by the melodious sounds of the other boy’s sleepy voice. “Rise and shine, sleepy head!”
Wufei rose up to gaze into beautiful expressive eyes. With a wicked smile he leaned in closer and pressed his lips against the soft lips that had greeted him. May he hear that voice from now until the end of time. It was a voice he would never tire of, not in a million years. Those lips quirked slightly as a smile danced and shone, bright and as sunny as the light that streamed in from the windows. “Oh, no you don’t, Wufei!” The boy sat up, sending the smooth sheets cascading into his lap, and pulled away from his loving companion, laughter dancing in his eyes, his voice. “You don’t have time for any hanky-panky! As it is, you’ll barely have time to enjoy breakfast!”
“So I’ll grab something from a drive-thru on my way to work…” Wufei once more leaned into the body of the boy he had sworn to spend all eternity with. He found the tender flesh of the other boy’s neck and nibbled contentedly, working his way up towards the ear. “Or maybe, the vending machines…” The rest of his words were muffled as he eagerly began to suck the delicate earlobe. As he had, expected, his boyfriend moaned softly, and relaxed, leaning into Wufei’s gently bronzed torso, his hands rising up and gently pressing against his love’s chest, caressing that smooth skin, reveling in its texture, its sculpted definition, its delightful warmth…
For but a few brief moments he remained still as a statue, enjoying the closeness, the love, then he straitened and pushed the Chinese youth away with straight arms. His face was faintly flushed and he laughter rang out like silver bells. With a grin he ran his hand through sleep-tousled hair.
“No, Wufei! That isn’t going to work THIS time!” Absently, the boy made shooing gestures towards the bedroom door. “You go get ready for work and I’ll get your breakfast ready. Okay?”
Wufei slid out of bed, and grumped towards the door. Sudden inspiration hit him with a hammer as he turned and grinned at the boy who stood naked by their rumbled bed. “We WILL finish this “discussion” when I get back from work tonight!” He growled, a humorous glint in his obsidian eyes
“Oooh!” The other boy purred with anticipation, his voice low and husky. “Is that a threat or a promise?”
“That,” Wufei declared as he turned and headed for the shower, “is a promise, of course! And I ALWAYS keep my promises!”
Feeling slightly more awake and ready – almost – to face another grueling day at the office, Wufei plopped down into his accustomed space at the head of the table. The tiny kitchen was swimming in golden light and alive with the smell of bacon, eggs, and coffee. The oak table gleamed mellowly in the early morning glow. Two place mats, blue with patterned flowers in butter yellow and tea rose were already set out in their accustomed settings along with the necessary dinnerware and cutlery. Wufei inhaled the heady aromas greedily and sighed contentedly. He glanced over at the boy standing by the kitchen sink; his arms plunged into a pile of bubbles that nearly reached his elbows. A stickler for cleanliness, he was. He was dressed causally in a pair of faded jeans and a red sweater, it’s sleeves pushed up to reveal, thin, yet muscular arms. Wufei gripped the handle of his coffee mug and raised it slowly to his mouth.
“Be careful not to burn yourself, Wufei. It’s hot!”
Wufei smiled gently. The boy knew him so well. Yes, he had often burned his tongue on his coffee. But that was just because the beautiful youth at the sink was just so darned distracting!
The Chinese boy was surprised that he wasn’t wearing his breakfast on his tie every morning…
The boy at the sink continued, never turning around, his voice somehow changing subtly. It was still his voice, the same winsome, earnest voice Wufei had fallen in love with, and yet it was different all the same.
“After all we wouldn’t want you to get hurt, oh no! That would never do! After all, there you are, alive and well, while I stand here…” the boy turned suddenly, his voice shrill and filled with anger…”Bleeding to death!”
The boy’s hair was coated scarlet, half of his face obscured like some bloody mask. His eyes…those eyes, once so alive and brimming with emotions, were dull and uncomprehending, like those of a doll’s. His clothes were a tattered ruin, as was the beautiful body they concealed.
In terror, Wufei dropped his mug, the liquid within splashing hot and heavy in his lap.
Instinctively he leaped back, sending the wooden chair flying across the small space with a very loud clatter. He tore his eyes from the bloody ruins of the boy he loved for a moment and glanced down at his pants. They were soaked the same crimson that was splashed so liberally over his beloved. His eyes were once again drawn to the figure standing besides him. His mouth worked in absolute horror, utter helplessness, but no sound emerged, just like a fish out of water.
The boy tottered closer, rivers of blood, his life force, splattering against the linoleum floor with a dull spattering sound. His head hung limply to one side, yet still those inhuman eyes bored into Wufei’s, burning him, his body, his heart, his soul, accusing him, damning him for living while everything he had claimed to have loved had died. “This is all your fault, Wufei. All your fault…I am dead, Wufei and it is ALL YOUR FAULT!”
On numb, trembling legs, Wufei retreated from that horror, until his back struck against the wall. With a moan he slid to the ground, his eyes huge, his soul dying. The corpse knelt besides him, dime sized drops of blood striking against Wufei’s upturned face. It leaned in towards the terrified youth, lips puckering as if for a kiss.
“All your fault…” it whispered as its lips pressed against Wufei’s own.
Wufei screamed.
Wufei jerked awake with a strangled scream, fist crammed against his distorted mouth. Instinctively his other hand flew to the other side of the large bed, searching, hoping. Afraid of what he would or rather, would not find. But reaching out all the same. He just couldn’t help it…
It was empty. Just as it had been for the past five lonely, heart rending years. Empty as his heart. In utter despair Wufei gathered up that lonely, unused pillow, the pillow his boyfriend had fallen in love with on sight. “It’s just perfect, Wufei!” He had exclaimed, glomping the pillow when they had spotted it in the store. “It’s not too hard, not to soft! It’s JUST right!” He had proceeded to dance merrily around, pillow clutched to his ecstatic face. Wufei had been dimly embarrassed, but secretly happy. It was a pillow that would grace the bed in his apartment. No, that was not entirely true. It was their bed, their apartment. And this thought had warmed him down to his toes, filled his heart with happiness until it was almost painful.
Now, with that soft, just right pillow, clutched in his arms, Wufei once again wept bitter tears of loss. Mournfully he glanced out the window, into the dark, silent heavens beyond. The sky was overcast and threatened, no, promised rain. Only one dim star could be seen, and it’s light was dying fast with the oncoming dawn. Wufei did not want the sun to rise. Not today, not any day, but especially not on this awful day. A day of remembrance. A short, bitter laugh was ripped from his lips. How could he forget? Was that even possible?
“Star light, star bright….” Wufei’s voice was thick with tears, heavy with sorrow. “The first star I see tonight….” The former pilot’s voice broke and was replaced by wracking sobs and yet still he continued speaking, reciting that silly little rhyme all children seemed to learn. (The lies we tell children…to give them hope, when we as adults know the truth. Wishes never come true…) He felt compelled to finish, despite the truth he held in his heart. “I wish I may… I wish I might… have the wish I wish tonight…”
Wufei’s voice dissolved as the tears took control. They ravaged his weary heart, his battered soul. He wanted to die, right here, right now. He should have died. That day, that wonderful, horrible day that his world had lost all meaning, all light, all hope… He should have died with his love. But he hadn’t. And it had been all his fault.
Between the gasps and sobs of dismay, of desolation, Wufei cried out his wish, the wish for tonight and every night since their last night, their first night together. “I wish you were somehow here with me again!” The tears flowed in a never-ending stream, threatening to drown the young man in grief. “Oh, I would give anything, pay any price to hear your sweet voice again. Just to be able to hold you and tell you good bye….”
The Chinese boy lapsed into silence, the only sounds to be heard in that still, empty apartment were his sobs of misery. He desperately clutched the pillow to his chest and wished with all his might that it could be the one who’s love and life had been denied him for all eternity. Outside, the heaven’s had opened to wash the world anew with its own tears and they flowed down the glass panes casting dim wavering shadows across the bed with its single occupant. As if they had understood the lonely man’s grief, had known that this day, more that any other day, called for rain to fall rather than the bright sun that would do nothing to banish the clouds of sorrow from so many hearts.
Wufei stopped abruptly as the woman approached, her face pale and filled with sorrow. The umbrella offered little protection against the rain that fell from the unfeeling, gray sky in an almost solid mass of precipitation. The wind whirled and spun, carrying the heavy drops under the device’s limited canopy. It plucked with icy fingers at the girl’s hands, trying to steal that poor useless umbrella away. Light brown hair swirled madly about her as she struggled with her invisible tormentor. But alas, the wind won the day, as that poor unfortunate umbrella was turned inside out by the force of those howling winds. The woman gave up her struggle and lowered the now useless umbrella down by her side. Her black pleated skirt swirled and danced about her knees. Without a word, the woman with blue eyes gazed sadly, almost reproachfully at the dark clad man before her. She clutched the matching black jacket about her, against the fierce wind that whooped and hollered.
(Black does not suit you, Relena, it is to harsh, too sad a color for you to have to ever wear. I am so sorry. If not for me, you would not have to wear such a depressing hue…)
“You missed the memorial service.” Relena stated bluntly, her blue eyes locking with dark obsidian ones. “It was really very lovely. It would have made him happy to know that so many remembered him, mourned his loss...”
“No,” Wufei interrupted her, his voice full of false serenity. “He would not have wanted to be mourned. He would have wanted his loved ones to move on, to be happy, to continue living their lives…”
Relena searched the man’s face carefully. He could not hide the signs of grief from her. It was there etched in every feature, every line of his still face. “Is that what you have been doing, Wufei? Living?” There was no answer from the man who stood before her, his silken hair as black as the trench coat that flapped and swirled about him. He merely lowered his eyes, apparently lost in some painful movie his memory flashed behind his sunken eyes. “Everyone was there, Wufei. They miss you. WE miss you!”
After the accident, Wufei had withdrawn from his friends, his fellow Gundam pilots, those that were left at any rate. They were five no more. And the world would never be, could never be, the same with the loss of that precious one. All hearts had cried out, but two more so that the others…
“Everyone?” Black eyes met blue as he raised his eyes at this question.
“Yes, Wufei, everyone was here.” A faint pleading was heard in the young woman’s voice as she continued, “It’s been five years, now, for crying out loud! Isn’t it time that you two forgave each other? You’re only hurting each other and I know that this is not what he would have wanted!”
Wufei continued walking, his head now bowed against the force of the wind. He did not stop or speak with Relena as he trudged passed her. As far as he was concerned, the discussion was over. It was as if she no longer existed. His slow steps took him down the path he knew by heart, for he had certainly traveled it enough times over these past few years. The young woman watched him go, her heart aching for him, for the loss of a dear companion, for the riff that had torn two friends apart, possibly forever. No, please, not forever. Even if they realized it or not, the two men needed each other, needed each other and their friends to help heal the holes in their hearts that had been left when the one they had both loved had been snatched away from them so suddenly, in such a tragic, senseless accident.
CHAPTER TWO
